The Caregiver Match

Caregiving is like dating

I often share that finding the right caregiver is like dating. There needs to be a comfortable connection between the loved one and the caregiver. The circle-of-care members (family and significant others) must also feel at ease with the hired caregiver. Getting to that point can be painful and frustrating; just know that there is a caregiver match for every loved one!

Finding the right match involves the “personality” component and a “skills” portion. However, addressing each of the caregiver components for a match is critical for a safe, respectful and lasting caregiving relationship. If there are questions or concerns relating to a caregiver, never settle; don’t make do with a hired caregiver. There must be both a personality and skills match. Above all, you always have caregiving options (caregivers may be hard to find at times). As a member of the circle of care, you must be assertive and protective of your loved one. Remember, not all caregivers are the same.

Matchmaker, matchmaker

For some loved ones, addressing the personality component may be more difficult. Consider the highly educated individual with lots of professional affiliations and hobbies who may be physically limited, yet is used to very stimulating discussion and is unable to re-channel the energy and thoughts in other ways.  Can the caregiver adapt their individual style to listen and ask questions, or do they show disinterest and disregard for your loved one?

There are those caregivers that are more comfortable tending to the mechanical care aspects and prefer limited verbal communication with the loved one. On the flip side, there are those caregivers with the “warm and fuzzy” personality who can engage the loved one, however, they are not as focused on the caregiving mechanics. The challenge is finding the right balance of engagement and caregiving mechanics. Find the individual who has both a head and heart while caring for your loved one.

Red flags:

• Appearance – Uniform: was the caregiver working elsewhere (in the same uniform) prior to coming to care for your loved one? Was that individual working at a daycare center during flu season or with others who may have an illness that could be spread? Safety of the caregiver is paramount. Paid caregiving is done with closed toe shoes for the caregiver’s protection. Flip-flops or open toe shoes should raise .
• Long acrylic nails – The issues of infection control and acrylic nails is well documented. Long nails and fragile skin do not mix. The risk of skin tears is real, and skin tears often come about when holding or repositioning a loved one. You want to minimize injury from nails or jewelry that could unintentionally harm your loved one.
• Correct use of equipment – Knowing how to use the medical equipment correctly seems basic, yet there are many different models of the devices and supplies used to care for a loved one (glucose monitors/pumps, pressure mattresses, CPAP, wheelchairs, mechanical and electrical beds, etc.) Is your caregiver experienced with the medical equipment, or can they receive training?
• Getting up and moving – Falls are a common cause of injury to loved ones as they decline.  Often the loved one does not realize or want to recognize, their declining physical status. The caregiver needs to be proactive in responding to that change in status. Often gait belts are used as a safety precaution. If the item has been prescribed, it is imperative that the caregiver ensures its use. Concerning comments made by a caregiver about to walk a loved one that should raise concern include: “I have him” or “I can catch her” pose a risk to both the loved one and the caregiver.
• Follows instructions – It is important that the caregiver follows the plan of care. If the caregiver raises concerns or questions about the loved one’s status, those concerns need to be addressed and the care plan updated. Unfortunately, there are some caregivers who believe that they know what is always best for the loved one and disregard the professional recommendations to the contrary. Situations that should raise a concern, include giving the loved one food they may want, but are unable to tolerate or eat safely, getting the loved one out of bed or walking them when the loved one truly does not have the physical strength and ability. These types of situations place your loved one at risk.
• Receptiveness – Be aware of how the caregiver responds to simple requests and sharing of the loved one’s preferences. When resistance to care plan modifications are expressed or observed, explore the reasons further, and determine if this individual can continue as a caregiver. Be sure the caregiver feels valued and appreciated, and thanked for the activities performed. Remember that the goal is ensuring that your loved one’s needs are well taken care of. If the “I know better than you” attitude is consistently displayed, this individual may not be the right caregiver for your loved one.
• Shares updates – The majority of caregivers are very good about sharing observations and changes in the loved one’s status. That comes from building a relationship. This is a vital practice to promote and encourage. Often the caregiver will clue you into issues and concerns that a loved one may have and not be sure how to address it with you. If your caregiver is not sharing, ask for updates and let the caregiver know that you value their opinion and insights, and would like that communication.

Respecting the preferences of the loved one, and asserting for their needs is not easy. Don’t be shy. If you don’t do it, who will? Loved ones are vulnerable, their welfare and safety must be the primary goal and focus.

Finding a Caregiver is Like Dating

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